How to Get it Right when Supporting your Child through Exams

From approximately May 7^th to June 23^rd of 2026, young people in Years 11 and 13 will be taking public examinations.  The lead up to the exam period can be filled with anticipation, preparation, stress and worry for students and parents/caregivers.  Schools spend significant amounts of time supporting content acquisition, retention and revision.  For parents it can be a challenging time for knowing how involved to be, what to say and how to support their children through what can be a defining moment for their futures.

With years of supporting exam-aged young adults, I have a wealth of experience considering strategies that help encourage academic outcomes, but most importantly positive mental health. Young adults are unique in how they approach exams;  some not seeing the point and others overemphasising the significance.  You may have a child who is a chronic procrastinator and it seems like they are never going to get going.  Alternatively, your child may be so focused on studying that they let everything else go.  However they find their way through this period, it is important to be present, available and offer support if wanted.

My own experience of high school exams leaves me helpless here, as I completed my formal education in the U.S. However, as a parent I have supported two children through GCSEs and A-Levels – one of which was during covid years (a totally different experience).  I’m acutely aware of the pressure my children were feeling and how overwhelming exam years can be.  I doubt I got it right all of the time, but hope that what I have to share here will help a few people who might be struggling.

The Do’s and Don'ts:

1.     Offer encouragement and praise, it’s not the time for criticism and shame

Be your child’s biggest cheerleader!  You know your child’s strengths and weaknesses, so endeavor to highlight the positives and encourage their strengths.  If your child has a strong memory;  keep reminding them of that.  If they are a supreme organiser, let them know how this will help them through revision.  This is not the time to look back;  pointing out missed opportunities or regrets.  Shame will only beat your child down and never serves as a positive motivator.  No matter what they tell you, your child ultimately wants to make you proud.  I had so many students as a High School Counsellor that shared their greatest worry was disappointing their parents.

The most meaningful praise is genuine and verbal.  I think that offering money for A and A* grades is sending the wrong message and feels like a bribe.  It misses the most valuable point about why trying your best and living with the results (good or bad) is an important life lesson.  By all means, reward effort but the most valuable reward for students is their parents’ pride in their performance.

2.    Be available to support, but not overbearing

It can be tempting when the pressure is on to swoop in and take over for your child.  The last thing your child needs or wants is your shadow standing over them or constantly checking on them.  Give your child space to figure out how, when and where they revise.  Avoid asking how it’s going, instead praising their efforts and reminding them that you are available to help.  If you’re concerned that your child is not making enough time and effort, consistently let them know you are there to help in any way.  Explore options for new spaces to revise like a family study space, local library or even a garden space.  Students often find their motivation will positively shift in new spaces.  If you are silently visible and available, your child will find this incredibly supportive and they are more likely to ask for assistance when needed.

3.    Notice your own anxiety and manage that, so it doesn’t impact your child

It is natural for parents to worry about how their child is coping with the pressure of exams.  It is normal to feel concerned about results and what they will mean for your child’s future educational plans.  Please lean on your spouses, partners, friends, therapist or other coping strategies to express and vent those concerns.  Your child will not be able to cope with hearing about your worries or how you think things will turn out.  This will only add MORE pressure onto your child, at a time that is already quite intense. 

You may feel a lot of feelings around exams and this might be related to your own school career, experiences, successes and/or failures.  Notice when your feelings are heightened and focus on calming these when communicating with your child.  At all costs avoid telling your child what it was like “back in the day”!  These analogies are simply not useful and often create a barrier between parents and children.

4.    Keep the healthful snacks and meals flowing

Quality nutrition with 3 meals a day and few snacks along the way will keep your child’s energy level going and promote concentration and quality revision.  During this period, you might offer to prepare a lunch or snack for your child to take the pressure off.  It is always helpful to have nutritional options that can be taken in a backpack.  My former clients found the following particularly helpful;  protein smoothies, yogurt drinks, protein bars and usually a bit of chocolate were a good treat.  Hydration is equally important so keeping water bottles cleaned and filled is also helpful.

5.    Support reasonable bedtime and sleep hygiene practices

Sleep is absolutely essential in order to manage revision and exam periods.  Your child needs helpful reminders about bedtime and the value of quality sleep.  If your child works well in the evening, that’s absolutely fine but encourage a cut-off time.  If you notice that your child is having sleeping difficulties, it may be worth exploring how much caffeine and/or energy drinks they are consuming.  This is one of the biggest causes of disturbed sleep!  The other big factor interfering with sleep is phones in bedrooms at night.  This might be a good time to suggest that at their cut-off time, the mobile phone stays out of their room.  I have had so many clients who made this simple change and had remarkably improved sleep almost immediately.

6.    Encourage time with friends for your child to have fun and get breaks

Teenagers need breaks and time with friends in order to recharge, burn off steam and escape the pressures they are facing.  As parents, it’s tempting to restrict this especially if you are concerned that your child is not working enough.  However, it has the opposite effect on young people.  If your child feels trapped, like they are being grounded for the weeks and months leading up to exams this can cause negativity and low mood.  Within reason, allow your child time to leave their studies behind and enjoy some time off.

7.    Create moments of calm and joy in your home

It can be tempting to keep everything very quiet and serious while you support child with exam preparation.  Creating moments of joy, no matter how big or small, will have a long-lasting positive impact on your child.  A television show that you enjoy, cooking together, family dance off or a quiet walk in the woods are all reminders that what they are going through is temporary.  Find ways to bring laughter and light into your home.  Talk about other things that are interesting or important to you and your family.  You may find in these quiet, joyful moments that your child is more open about how they are feeling.

8.    Allow your child to maintain extra-curricular activities

Your child may have a sport, creative outlet, volunteering role or job that means a great deal to them.  Whilst they may need to scale back their time commitment, maintaining activities that are important and meaningful is always positive for mood and overall wellbeing.  I encourage you to be led by your child’s opinion and desire to participate.  If something feels too much, it’s fine to let it go.  However, positive activities can create good feelings and a sense of accomplishment.

9.     Remember that Quality revision is more meaningful than Quantity

When exam days are looming ahead, it can seem logical to increase revision sessions.  You may get these messages from your child’s school, other parents or social media.  Please remember that a quality revision session is far more beneficial than quantity.  Speak to your child before adding sessions at school or with a tutor.  Your child will know how and when they work the best – this is what we are looking for in order to promote quality preparation.

10.  Each child is unique and will find their way in life

Long before Year 11 and 13,  you have been hearing about the importance of exam results and considering options for further education.  Your child will have their own unique path and journey to find their way in the world as an adult.  Comparing them to other siblings or family members can be completely soul destroying and create resentment and bad feelings.  It is important for you to hold the belief that whatever the outcome, they will be successful in the future.  It may not be clear what that path will look like, but preserving their self-esteem and confidence along the way is the most important thing for parents to achieve.

I have to admit I don’t look back on the exam years as easy.  It felt like a tricky balance of supporting hard work and lifting my children up when things were challenging.  The one influence that I wasn’t able to mediate was the pressure coming from school and the natural comparisons my children made to other students.  Looking back, I hope that they learned what a fail felt like and how to pick themselves up and carry on.  I also hope they know and remember how very proud of them I was and always will be.  These exams are hard core challenging and just getting through is an absolute demonstration of strength.

To all you parents out there, I hope this gives some helpful ideas.  Wishing you a successful exam season!

If you or your child need support, please contact Sarah Standish for a free consultation.  www.willowwaycounselling.com